Of Men and Dogs

There is a Pat Green song called “Wave on Wave” that is THE song for me and my dog, Lilith. (I have several songs that are “our” songs for me and my dogs. And, yes, some are supposed to be “love” songs.) It talks about being rescued, and there is a line “Am I the one you were sent to save?” The refrain is, “And it came upon me wave on wave, you’re the reason I’m still here.” That’s the tone of the entire song.

Now, if I told the entire story of how I got Lilith in particular, which I won’t do here, it would be very clear that she saved me. Getting her quite literally saved my life. Is my life all “fixed?” By no means, as I am pretty honest about with everyone. I think that honesty is a tiny first step in the right direction, though. And, it helps me be more honest with myself. Let’s face it. That’s the hardest of all much of the time.

But, even if things were going swimmingly, Lilith would still be here. She’d actually be happier cause I’d have more time and energy for her. She’d be happier just cause I was, too. And, so would Lucan, my other dog.

That’s maybe the difference. There are great love stories, human love stories, where “rescue” is a bit theme. I’ve been the rescuer. I’ve tried to let someone rescue me, but I’m not so good at that. And, when I have finally let one of those lovely “rescuer” types in, BAM! They shattered my heart. So, I smirk now when the acupuncturist says, “You need someone to take care of you.” And, I protect my independence, even the crazier not so healthy parts of it, fiercely.

It seems too often in “real life,” or actually among humans, when one person “rescues” another, the “rescuer” is done. They aren’t so interested in the final product. They aren’t as intrigued by the healthier version of the person.

Still forming this thought, though, so bear with me. When I have done a bit of “rescuing” myself, the man leaves me, usually for someone else. Often for someone else that they stay with for decades. So, I can’t say they’re the problem necessarily. And, I have had them tell me that I’m the person who helped them grow…… blah, blah, blah. Too many times for chance they’ve married the next real relationship partner they had.

There are lots of women out there who ought to be paying me regularly for “fixing” their man into someone long term for them!

But, if I let a guy “rescue” me in the slightest, as soon as my guard is down…they’re out the door.

Ideally, I guess you rescue each other.

But, here’s the thing. A dog doesn’t abandon you after they rescue you. And, they don’t resent it when you grow. A man seems to, at least the ones I’ve known. When you get healthier and happier, so does your dog. Dogs try to not even leave us until their bodies just give out on them.

Maybe that’s why I have so many love songs dedicated to my dogs. I know that they love me no matter what. They want me to be a better person and teach me much along the way. They help me grow. If they could do more for me, they would.

And, when I do make a step forward, they’re walking with me, not away from me.

So, that’s my big thought for the day after talking with a friend about her relationships and once again looking into what I’ve learned from mine. And, maybe some insight into why I avoid them like the plague now. I don’t want to be a “fixer-up” project, I want to be much further along the path. Why?

Not necessarily cause the guy will leave me cause I’m such a mess, but because he’ll leave me when I stop being such a mess.

I’m afraid the damsel in distress isn’t as desirable one the distress is gone for some men, and those are the ones that seem to drift my way.

Love songs dedicated to my dogs? You bet. That’s a true love. They stick by me when I’m a mess, but they’re also there in the good times.

We often call men “dogs” because they seem to lack loyalty in romantic partnering. However today I’m wondering why they can’t be more like dogs, sticking by us in bad times and in good as well.

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~ by Janice Holladay on August 30, 2011.

3 Responses to “Of Men and Dogs”

  1. Dogs also follow you wherever you go – from room to room. If a man did that I’d go crazy. I think men like needy women who make them feel like they can’t live without them. Unfortunately, some of us have become so independent because we’ve had to and although men say they admire that quality in women they don’t seem to pick independent women. It also amazes me the number of women I know who never say anything good to, or about, their husbands and yet the men adore them!

    • Very true! I do notice, though, that dogs, men, and children REALLY need to talk to you when you’re finally on the phone even if you’ve been sitting there with them ignoring you all day.

    • Men do seem to adore women who treat them badly. However, I’ve seen that with women, too. And, can’t tell you how many times a guy has commented on needing to just treat women badly so he’ll get attention. I think both sexes are bad at picking people who don’t seem to appreciate them. And, both can be equally bad about admitting their respect and adoration.

      Relationships are not easy, and I’ve had much more experience in the bad than the good. I’m lucky to have seen a few good ones, so at least from a distance I have an idea of what they are supposed to look like!

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