Occasionally a bit of magic……..

I rarely have days that are “almost perfect.” Depression often lingers in the corners of my life…my mind…whispering and waiting for a moment to sneak on into awareness. Today was that rarest of days, a day when that whisper seemed to fall silent, and I breathed.

I went with a friend to a spring fed pool down in Austin called Barton Springs. In the midst of a sweltering summer when my depression has been felt like a thick, itchy wool blanket wrapping around me tighter and tighter of its own accord, the coolness of the water was a revelation. It was freedom.

Yes, I was in the land of the pretty people, but even in that world, in the water, I was a goddess. I moved through the plants floating on the top of the water and slipping along the bottom, feeling the algae making the world suddenly like a child’s Slip’N’Slide. Falling was even fun because the water held us safely in her grasp. I moved through that world of water and wildness as one who belonged. I felt at ease, at home.

When my friend got cold, I remained in the water as the sun slipped below the horizon, dancing through the trees. I floated, watching the clouds change colors as the sun moved through the sky. The quarter moon slipped up through the trees on the other side of the cove. The roundness was like a woman, pregnant with possibility and light, glowing for all to see yet just out of reach.

I lay on my back, held by the water, both firm and yielding at the same time. It was as if the fey finally remembered me, as if I was once again taken into their world. Dragonflies buzzed me and danced through the sky. My eyes followed their escapades through the air, twirling and twisting, diving and climbing. Where have they been all summer? I felt welcomed home, almost as if I’d entered a fairy ring of old, yet one made of water.

I let go and finally breathed. I heard myself inhale and exhale. I felt my body let go and be. I was me, and I was part of the magic surrounding me.

Even as we prepared to go, I felt the magic. The wind whipped around the courtyard of the dressing area, moving the curtains around the solar shower. Warm water washed me clean, and the breeze kissed me. My usual self-consciousness of my body and my size diminished. I just felt alive. We walked out and looked at the pool. Lights had come on around it, and the moon hung overhead. Ripples of light seemed to dance on the water. We could see to the bottom, to the white stone and the lines of darker algae.

It was almost perfect. About as close as I come. We’d watched dogs swimming outside the actual “pool,” and I missed my two. But, I figured out an amazing place to share with them. We’d seen a turtle and remembered wandering creeks and meadows and dreaming dreams as children together.

Magic. A day that will remain in my mind and heart. A body that feels rested and surprisingly more alive. Blessed by the fey. Home to my beloved furries who welcomed long brushing sessions. Again, blessed by a kind of magic, wild and real and deep.


~ by Janice Holladay on September 5, 2011.

4 Responses to “Occasionally a bit of magic……..”

  1. What a wonderful day! Have you ever snorkeled? It gave me that feeling… the rhythmic sound of your own breathing takes you “there”

    • I had a snorkel from when I took scuba diving, but I couldn’t get my ears to “clear,” so never finished that course. I really wanted to. I don’t have a clue how to really snorkel, though. The whole going under with water able to go down the tube sort of freaks me out! I need to learn. I need to find goggles that work, but the ones I’ve used have always leaked. In Belize, they had this cool thing I wanted to try called “snuba.” You got to use the air tank, but since you didn’t go down as far as you usually would when scuba diving, you didn’t have to be able to get your ears to clear. I thought that was kind of cool.

      I really would have loved being able to snorkel and see yesterday!

  2. Wow…I was there, with you, and you had a completely different experience than I did. I saw you relax and breath. I saw you float. I saw you naked, in the courtyard. I was an observer of your happiness. Thank you for letting me share it with you. I can’t wait to go back with the puppies.

    • Just to clarify…..the courtyard is in the ladies’ “dressing room” area! And, the puppies…..can’t wait, either! I know, you were cold. So glad you were comfortable just “hanging” and people watching so I had more time to float and play with the dragonflies! Thanks again for taking me! xoxoxo

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